finding it

I'm sitting here trying to find blame for what brought me to the state that I'm in with all of my friendships and then shying away at the thought that its all of my own doing. I let my emotions and anxiety bring me to the point of just doing nothing at all, rather than facing the consequences. I'm so afraid to hear what my friends think of me that I just lose contact all together so I won't have to know the answer. The thing I fear most in my life is disappointing the ones I love, but as a paradox it seems to be the one thing in which I'm most successful. I would start with an apology but I know that its pointless and to everyone else it has lost its sincerity. What I will do is start the change in my life and make the promise to myself that I'll begin to mend the bridges that I've burned.