= =

I have this excited butterfly feeling in my stomach. I have hope in this winter and I welcome it with open arms.

IM DRUNK AND THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND

fuck you.
drunk.

roll on

things i would like to do:

-think positive.
-organize, organize, organize.
-learn to not neglect the ones that i love.
-figure out how to make more days in the week.
-convert my room into a tent.
-buy a light bulb for my lava lamp.
-finish something that i start.
-find a better paying job that i will still love.
-lose that weight that i keep complaining about.
-spend more time with boys with neck tattoos.
-get lil spoon to teach me how to rap.
-research the possible idea of kitten abortions?
-work out all of the kinks.

wake up

So this is when I am forced into facing whats in front of me and begin weighing my options.

I hate it when it gets to the point where procrastination isn't an available option anymore. I honestly think that I had myself convinced that this lawsuit would go away on its on, or somehow just not really exist. Now, its punching me in the face and crushing me with the realization that this really is happening.

This is where I have to think about declaring bankruptcy and starting all over again. The fact that I am 20 years old and already facing square one all over again breaks my heart. It makes me feel like I've already failed in my simi-adult life.(A feeling that I'm not unfamiliar with.) Whenever I feel as if I'm getting things back on track is when something goes wrong. Trust me, there is always something.

I just have this itching for something more. I have this desperate feeling for a change of pace. I am so sick of living the same monotonous existence day in and day out. I am sick of settling for second best as if its what I deserve. I know that there is a life that's waiting for me to live it and I'm done with waiting.