= =

I have this excited butterfly feeling in my stomach. I have hope in this winter and I welcome it with open arms.

IM DRUNK AND THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND

fuck you.
drunk.

roll on

things i would like to do:

-think positive.
-organize, organize, organize.
-learn to not neglect the ones that i love.
-figure out how to make more days in the week.
-convert my room into a tent.
-buy a light bulb for my lava lamp.
-finish something that i start.
-find a better paying job that i will still love.
-lose that weight that i keep complaining about.
-spend more time with boys with neck tattoos.
-get lil spoon to teach me how to rap.
-research the possible idea of kitten abortions?
-work out all of the kinks.

wake up

So this is when I am forced into facing whats in front of me and begin weighing my options.

I hate it when it gets to the point where procrastination isn't an available option anymore. I honestly think that I had myself convinced that this lawsuit would go away on its on, or somehow just not really exist. Now, its punching me in the face and crushing me with the realization that this really is happening.

This is where I have to think about declaring bankruptcy and starting all over again. The fact that I am 20 years old and already facing square one all over again breaks my heart. It makes me feel like I've already failed in my simi-adult life.(A feeling that I'm not unfamiliar with.) Whenever I feel as if I'm getting things back on track is when something goes wrong. Trust me, there is always something.

I just have this itching for something more. I have this desperate feeling for a change of pace. I am so sick of living the same monotonous existence day in and day out. I am sick of settling for second best as if its what I deserve. I know that there is a life that's waiting for me to live it and I'm done with waiting.

black dad

Its kind of hard to put into words how much I love Bill Cosby, but allow me to attempt.

Lately I've been finding myself awake later and later. The later that I'm awake the more the Cosby Show is on, it seems. I think that I could honestly watch the Cosby Show until my eyes started to bleed, and maybe even after that.

I've always been a huge fan of ole' Bill. I would allow myself to say that he is by far my favorite comedian, to the bafflement of most of my friends. I think his charm lies in the fact that he reminds me so much of my dad. They have the same mannerisms, they carry themselves the same, the same idea of comedy, and their laughs even sound alike. Its almost kind of creepy. It helps Bill out that I think my dad is one of the funniest people on the planet.

Do yourself a favor and go rent, or buy, or stream (whatever it is you kids do) the stand up "Bill Cosby, Himself". It'll be like losing your virginity all over again, only to Bill Cosby this time. Which i'm sure is way cooler than your real "losin it" story anyway.

lately i can't sleep

being a stoner is making me feel like my brain is melting away. i remember the days when i used to be able to think through a complete thought without forgetting what i was thinking about in the first place. i honestly had a hard time remembering what i was trying to think through and type out with that last statement. this is starting to get out of control.


tonight i started reading Extremely Load and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. so far im in love with it. the way it reads goes perfectly with how my brain functions. (im high whatever.) im trying to fend off my ADD and finish the book quickly. i'll let you know how it ends, i swear.

wardrobe

i want a whole new wardrobe. i will now start accepting monetary donations. feel free to give me all of your savings.

out with the old and in with the new.

curtis lee

Its late and I cant sleep. This picture reminds me of my grandpa.



My mind has been here and there lately. I always have a million thoughts at once and its difficult to get them sorted. I'm in a very transitional point right now. All I want in my life is change and lots of it. The trip to England that Haley and I are planning won't come soon enough. I wake up everyday hoping that its time to pack up and start something new. I keep reminding myself that I have to go through the daily grind to get where I want to be. It just gets hard to muster the will to go through the same monotonous day over and over. I keep hope that there is a break in all of this and something drastic is right around the bend.