So stoked on going to RVA this weekend. It has literally been a full year since I've been there, which feels so strange because it used to be my home. Im going to be reunited with my burlest, Miss H@ley Scaggs. Never been more excited in my life. I'm ready for a weekend of girl talks and bong hits.

Watch out richmond, here i come.


On another note, my half sleeve is nearly finished and my arm has never been so sore. looks wayy too goood thanks to that boy of mine.



and this picture makes me laugh too much.

I want to start making music again. I'm itching for it.

luvvv

i love my angel cupcake

and the squishy face boy who did it.

finding it

I'm sitting here trying to find blame for what brought me to the state that I'm in with all of my friendships and then shying away at the thought that its all of my own doing. I let my emotions and anxiety bring me to the point of just doing nothing at all, rather than facing the consequences. I'm so afraid to hear what my friends think of me that I just lose contact all together so I won't have to know the answer. The thing I fear most in my life is disappointing the ones I love, but as a paradox it seems to be the one thing in which I'm most successful. I would start with an apology but I know that its pointless and to everyone else it has lost its sincerity. What I will do is start the change in my life and make the promise to myself that I'll begin to mend the bridges that I've burned.

I keep getting this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that won't go away. I'm ready for spring to bring a new me and a new outlook on things.

I'm ready to stop hiding from the world.

Lately, I have been drowning myself in nostalgia and rolling around with the idea that things will never be the same.

Trogdon St.

h

mary jane

banjo

tuck/h

dojo

return

Its pretty obvious that I suck at keeping an up to date blog but I think this might be the start of me trying to do this more often. I think that writing could potentially help me with my problem of being terrible at talking about whats going on in my life and in my head.

So as for the update, Houston and I moved into our house together at the beginning of February and its honestly a dream come true. I'll be honest and say that I was apprehensive about getting a house with my boyfriend but its working better than I ever thought possible. It feels amazing being in love and having this life with him.

The downside of things lies in the fact that I'm having a hard time getting adjusted to living in a new place. I always thought that I had so much support in Greensboro and that it wasn't possible for me to be lonely. Now I'm finding that here I feel the most alone and clueless. I don't know what to do with myself and I just feel more and more alienated from the world with each passing day. I know that I'm doing this to myself by staying locked to the confines of the house every day but I honestly don't know what else to do. I leave hope in the idea of once I find a job and really get settled in here that things will change but I think that I may also have to change to make these things happen for me.

new move

If all goes well, Monday of next week I will be moving into the most adorable house with Houston. I honestly can't think about anything else. The excitement is killing me. I cant wait to settle in and get this new chapter started.

home sweet home

Here I am, picking up and starting a new life somewhere else once again. This time with more ease. I am moving to Greensboro and into Houston's apartment. Yes, I know exactly what you're thinking. I know that you think that I am completely out of my mind. Normally, I would be agreeing with you. There's something different about things in this instance that I wish I could explain to you and have you understand. Sometimes when you have a gut feeling you just have to go with it. That's what I'm doing, just going with it. I haven't felt like this in ages or really maybe ever.

I feel so hopeful and content with where my life is going. I just so happened to get lucky enough to come across an amazing boyfriend that is with me one hundred percent in all of my ideas and aspirations and the feeling goes both ways. Sometimes all you need is someone to love and love you in return to bring everything together.

I feel like there is promise in my future and I'm not going to falter or back down from what I need to do to make my life what it has always had the potential to be.

live living lived

I have headaches all of the time now and I cant seem to shake 'em.

= =

I have this excited butterfly feeling in my stomach. I have hope in this winter and I welcome it with open arms.

IM DRUNK AND THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND

fuck you.
drunk.

roll on

things i would like to do:

-think positive.
-organize, organize, organize.
-learn to not neglect the ones that i love.
-figure out how to make more days in the week.
-convert my room into a tent.
-buy a light bulb for my lava lamp.
-finish something that i start.
-find a better paying job that i will still love.
-lose that weight that i keep complaining about.
-spend more time with boys with neck tattoos.
-get lil spoon to teach me how to rap.
-research the possible idea of kitten abortions?
-work out all of the kinks.

wake up

So this is when I am forced into facing whats in front of me and begin weighing my options.

I hate it when it gets to the point where procrastination isn't an available option anymore. I honestly think that I had myself convinced that this lawsuit would go away on its on, or somehow just not really exist. Now, its punching me in the face and crushing me with the realization that this really is happening.

This is where I have to think about declaring bankruptcy and starting all over again. The fact that I am 20 years old and already facing square one all over again breaks my heart. It makes me feel like I've already failed in my simi-adult life.(A feeling that I'm not unfamiliar with.) Whenever I feel as if I'm getting things back on track is when something goes wrong. Trust me, there is always something.

I just have this itching for something more. I have this desperate feeling for a change of pace. I am so sick of living the same monotonous existence day in and day out. I am sick of settling for second best as if its what I deserve. I know that there is a life that's waiting for me to live it and I'm done with waiting.

black dad

Its kind of hard to put into words how much I love Bill Cosby, but allow me to attempt.

Lately I've been finding myself awake later and later. The later that I'm awake the more the Cosby Show is on, it seems. I think that I could honestly watch the Cosby Show until my eyes started to bleed, and maybe even after that.

I've always been a huge fan of ole' Bill. I would allow myself to say that he is by far my favorite comedian, to the bafflement of most of my friends. I think his charm lies in the fact that he reminds me so much of my dad. They have the same mannerisms, they carry themselves the same, the same idea of comedy, and their laughs even sound alike. Its almost kind of creepy. It helps Bill out that I think my dad is one of the funniest people on the planet.

Do yourself a favor and go rent, or buy, or stream (whatever it is you kids do) the stand up "Bill Cosby, Himself". It'll be like losing your virginity all over again, only to Bill Cosby this time. Which i'm sure is way cooler than your real "losin it" story anyway.

lately i can't sleep

being a stoner is making me feel like my brain is melting away. i remember the days when i used to be able to think through a complete thought without forgetting what i was thinking about in the first place. i honestly had a hard time remembering what i was trying to think through and type out with that last statement. this is starting to get out of control.


tonight i started reading Extremely Load and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. so far im in love with it. the way it reads goes perfectly with how my brain functions. (im high whatever.) im trying to fend off my ADD and finish the book quickly. i'll let you know how it ends, i swear.

wardrobe

i want a whole new wardrobe. i will now start accepting monetary donations. feel free to give me all of your savings.

out with the old and in with the new.

curtis lee

Its late and I cant sleep. This picture reminds me of my grandpa.



My mind has been here and there lately. I always have a million thoughts at once and its difficult to get them sorted. I'm in a very transitional point right now. All I want in my life is change and lots of it. The trip to England that Haley and I are planning won't come soon enough. I wake up everyday hoping that its time to pack up and start something new. I keep reminding myself that I have to go through the daily grind to get where I want to be. It just gets hard to muster the will to go through the same monotonous day over and over. I keep hope that there is a break in all of this and something drastic is right around the bend.